Last week I had lunch with Mary. She had changed jobs since I last saw her and when I asked her how things were going, she said she liked it a lot. It was interesting, she got to know new people, and then I heard a slight hesitation… “However, I have problems with the new colleagues.”
After having been there for more than 6 months, she found it quite hard to ‘ignore’ these bad relationships, despite the fact that she liked the content. “I’ll try to hang in there for a while, but I don’t know if I’ll last long”, she said. A friend had told her she should leave as soon as possible. And then the question: “What do you think I should do?”
You know my tagline is “You always have a choice” but I also believe the choice should be yours… I might tell you what I would do but do I know for sure what I would do until I was really standing in your shoes?
I think there are several things to take into account.
When it comes to the nice job and the not so good relationship with the colleagues, let’s check what is ‘putting more weight on the scales’.
On the one hand there is the nice job. Which needs does it satisfy? Learning new things? Getting to know new people? Something else?
On the other hand there is the not so good relationship with the colleagues. Which needs are not met? Acceptance? Cooperation? …
As long as the balance leans towards the nice job, it would make sense to stay.
However, it’s important to keep on paying attention to the little signals the body will give you. Should you start to feel more and more stress, it may be time for a second evaluation, possibly with a different outcome.
Whenever confronted with a stressful situation, it’s important to take good care of your buffer: it will limit the impact of the stressors (In this case the colleagues’ behaviour). What does this mean? Take excellent care of yourself by sleeping enough, eating well, having a good network of friends, doing sports, etc…
The author Byron Katie talks about 3 types of business: my business, your business and God’s business.
The colleagues behaving a certain way is their business: not under your control… But that doesn’t mean that there is nothing you can do that might have an impact…
- Have you considered trying to look at them differently?
- You might want to try out ‘Cognitive Restructuring’ or ‘Giving them a fish’…
- You might want to try opening up to them, starting with a DESC… (in a non defensive way!).
- Often people behave a certain way because their need is not met, they don’t feel ok… The moment they start to feel better, they are much nicer company…
In conclusion, dear Mary, I would suggest you start by analyzing your needs and then by having a second look at the 10 short videos of ‘Defeat your stress in 10 days’: they’ll give you a short summary of the concepts I proposed afterwards. I hope it helps! Good luck!
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