Nancy Batens

As you may (or may not) know, I’ve been into stress management for a very long time.
And even when I really try to walk my talk and… often succeed, there are times when I get into the automatic pilot too.

There is this street, not too far from my house. It’s a two-way street, parking on both sides. Oh, yes, and there are a couple of shops that are open a lot…

For one reason or another, people like to double-park there.
And this is my trigger…
Especially when I spot some empty spaces, 2 or 3 cars away…

“Why do they have to do this?”
“It’s always the same!”
“This is total lack of respect!”
“This is dangerous!”
“These people this…”
“These people that…”

Do you see where I’m going?

But recently, I caught myself in the act quite quickly…
I noticed how I sat up even straighter.
I noticed how my heart rate when up, I started to breathe faster…
I went into a state of stress!

So I immediately changed my thinking into: they are double parked. PUNTO!
(Yes, you could also put ‘PERIOD’ or ‘FULL STOP’ here but … to me it came spontaneously in Italian ;-D)

And this is where the story ends…
And this is also where the stress ends…

When we don’t attribute (a negative) meaning to our observation, we also don’t get stressed…
So when you notice you are getting stressed, and you are noticing the thought patterns causing it.
Go back to the original observation, PUNTO.
And take it from there.
#youalwayshaveachoice #YAHAC

Since then, I’ve used it in other situations…
Participants don’t arrive no time. PUNTO.
Participants haven’t prepared the pre-course activities. PUNTO.

Instead of:
“They don’t care.”
“They are not motivated.”
“Why am I doing my best?”
“They don’t respect me.”
“Who do they think they are?”
…

Ready to try this out over the weekend?
Have a good one!

 

As you could read above, your thoughts determine your behaviour so… make sure you ‘don’t believe everything you think!’ – Sign up for my new FREE mini-course and learn how to handle this, 1 step at at the time!

Last year an ‘expert’ asked me: “What makes you think you can do what you do?”.

She probably didn’t mean no harm, but … the effect on me was bigger than I would have thought.
Bigger than I would have liked, to be honest… I started to doubt myself. Of course, I know what I’m worth, I am also told that I’m good but still… She had pushed a button…

After a period of soul searching and talking to some good friends, I came to a conclusion that was beautifully formulated by Denise Duffield-Thomas. She says: ‘Don’t be a guru, be a contributor instead’. And I couldn’t have said it any better.
I don’t have to be a guru, that is not my goal.

The perfectionist in me, wants to do things well, wants to keep on learning, get better. Yes.

But, that doesn’t mean that I have to be THE expert. I don’t need that kind of pressure.

Besides: I’ve been giving training long enough (almost 20 years!) to realise that there are a lot of theories … And often they contradict each other…

What do I want to do instead? I want to contribute: I learn, I try things out, I assess them and, if I think they work, I pass the info on to everybody who is willing to hear it.

Oh, yes, sometimes I also do a little ‘translation’ to make it more practical.

It is possible that while my message might be helpful for you, somebody else’s message can be helpful for somebody else.
And who knows: maybe both of our messages could help, they might be complimentary or, they each could be helpful at different moments of your life.

There is room for all of us! We don’t need to compete! We can all contribute in our own way!

So, I will keep on doing my thing: learn, try out and share what worked for me when I believe it could also work for you.

Tell me in the comments what you would like me to contribute ;-D

 

And what can I suggest as a contribution at the moment? On the one hand there is my FREE mini-course ‘Don’t believe everything you think!’ and…  my online assertiveness course: ‘Say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way’ – special conditions this summer! (Special price AND weekly support in closed FB group instead of monthly!) Why not use the summer to get started?! #YAHAC

 

In Belgium, the ‘summer holidays’ have officially started.

One could say that this is also the start of my ‘slow season’: companies tend to organise less training because their staff leave on holidays. So: perfect time for a break.

However, somewhere along the line it became the time where I would work on my own business: create products, organise challenges, attend courses myself…  So… basically: I would not stop but just go on.  There might be a short holiday (only a short one, because there is all this work to be done) … But no real break.

This year I would like to do something else. I want to take a summer sabbatical.

Recently I’ve noticed some pressure, some resistance, quite a lot of ‘I should…’, ‘I have to…’, …  And I don’t like it.
If you have been following me for a while, you know I belief ‘you always have a choice’ (hence the hashtag ‘YAHAC’).
However, to make a choice, you need to have options. You need to know what you really really want. And that’s exactly where I am not a 100% sure of at the moment.So… I’ve decided I don’t have to make a choice yet (which is also making a choice…)

And I’m going to give myself a real break.
I want things to be fun again. I want to get my ‘mojo’ back.

And how am I going to do that?

• This summer is about me and not about my business. By taking care of myself first, I can be there more for my business. (By the way: the universe is challenging me: many of my colleagues have free (!) summer schools starting as of today and many of them look very interesting. But… I’m resisting the FOMO (=fear of missing out), this summer is about ME!)
• Less doing, more being. Not too many plans. Checking in with myself on a regular basis to find out what would be the right thing to do…
• ‘Fun’ is going to be a focus. Often ‘fun’ is scheduled in, whenever there is a slot left. No: now the fun thing is an intention and we’ll see about the rest…
• For the record: this ‘fun’ does not necessarily mean planning a lot of activities. I started this weekend: some quality time with nieces and nephew on Saturday and … some sunbathing yesterday (I don’t always ‘allow’ myself to do that – there is always something else to do…). As long as the ‘activity’ charges my batteries, that’s ok!

I truly believe that by doing the above, I will be feeding my soul.
I will gain clarity on what I really really want… and I will be able to make the right choice(s).

What do you think? Are you up for this?

Don’t worry: you don’t necessarily have to drastically change your life.
We all have 24 hours in a day, we can all make choices on how we spend (at least some of) that time…
I will not be ‘on holiday’ for 2 full months either, but… I will simplify as much as I can to ‘feel’ on holiday as much as possible.

Each Monday I will post my ‘intention of the week’ on social media. And I will let you know how it goes. Feel free to join me: a little accountability usually doesn’t hurt…

Have a great summer!

PS: For those who are getting a bit worried: I’m not depressed or anything. ;-D  I’m fine! I just believe I could be even better!

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Looking forward to hearing from you!