Author: Nancy

Last year an ‘expert’ asked me: “What makes you think you can do what you do?”.

She probably didn’t mean no harm, but … the effect on me was bigger than I would have thought.
Bigger than I would have liked, to be honest… I started to doubt myself. Of course, I know what I’m worth, I am also told that I’m good but still… She had pushed a button…

After a period of soul searching and talking to some good friends, I came to a conclusion that was beautifully formulated by Denise Duffield-Thomas. She says: ‘Don’t be a guru, be a contributor instead’. And I couldn’t have said it any better.
I don’t have to be a guru, that is not my goal.

The perfectionist in me, wants to do things well, wants to keep on learning, get better. Yes.

But, that doesn’t mean that I have to be THE expert. I don’t need that kind of pressure.

Besides: I’ve been giving training long enough (almost 20 years!) to realise that there are a lot of theories … And often they contradict each other…

What do I want to do instead? I want to contribute: I learn, I try things out, I assess them and, if I think they work, I pass the info on to everybody who is willing to hear it.

Oh, yes, sometimes I also do a little ‘translation’ to make it more practical.

It is possible that while my message might be helpful for you, somebody else’s message can be helpful for somebody else.
And who knows: maybe both of our messages could help, they might be complimentary or, they each could be helpful at different moments of your life.

There is room for all of us! We don’t need to compete! We can all contribute in our own way!

So, I will keep on doing my thing: learn, try out and share what worked for me when I believe it could also work for you.

Tell me in the comments what you would like me to contribute ;-D

 

And what can I suggest as a contribution at the moment? On the one hand there is my FREE mini-course ‘Don’t believe everything you think!’ and…  my online assertiveness course: ‘Say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way’ – special conditions this summer! (Special price AND weekly support in closed FB group instead of monthly!) Why not use the summer to get started?! #YAHAC

 

In Belgium, the ‘summer holidays’ have officially started.

One could say that this is also the start of my ‘slow season’: companies tend to organise less training because their staff leave on holidays. So: perfect time for a break.

However, somewhere along the line it became the time where I would work on my own business: create products, organise challenges, attend courses myself…  So… basically: I would not stop but just go on.  There might be a short holiday (only a short one, because there is all this work to be done) … But no real break.

This year I would like to do something else. I want to take a summer sabbatical.

Recently I’ve noticed some pressure, some resistance, quite a lot of ‘I should…’, ‘I have to…’, …  And I don’t like it.
If you have been following me for a while, you know I belief ‘you always have a choice’ (hence the hashtag ‘YAHAC’).
However, to make a choice, you need to have options. You need to know what you really really want. And that’s exactly where I am not a 100% sure of at the moment.So… I’ve decided I don’t have to make a choice yet (which is also making a choice…)

And I’m going to give myself a real break.
I want things to be fun again. I want to get my ‘mojo’ back.

And how am I going to do that?

• This summer is about me and not about my business. By taking care of myself first, I can be there more for my business. (By the way: the universe is challenging me: many of my colleagues have free (!) summer schools starting as of today and many of them look very interesting. But… I’m resisting the FOMO (=fear of missing out), this summer is about ME!)
• Less doing, more being. Not too many plans. Checking in with myself on a regular basis to find out what would be the right thing to do…
• ‘Fun’ is going to be a focus. Often ‘fun’ is scheduled in, whenever there is a slot left. No: now the fun thing is an intention and we’ll see about the rest…
• For the record: this ‘fun’ does not necessarily mean planning a lot of activities. I started this weekend: some quality time with nieces and nephew on Saturday and … some sunbathing yesterday (I don’t always ‘allow’ myself to do that – there is always something else to do…). As long as the ‘activity’ charges my batteries, that’s ok!

I truly believe that by doing the above, I will be feeding my soul.
I will gain clarity on what I really really want… and I will be able to make the right choice(s).

What do you think? Are you up for this?

Don’t worry: you don’t necessarily have to drastically change your life.
We all have 24 hours in a day, we can all make choices on how we spend (at least some of) that time…
I will not be ‘on holiday’ for 2 full months either, but… I will simplify as much as I can to ‘feel’ on holiday as much as possible.

Each Monday I will post my ‘intention of the week’ on social media. And I will let you know how it goes. Feel free to join me: a little accountability usually doesn’t hurt…

Have a great summer!

PS: For those who are getting a bit worried: I’m not depressed or anything. ;-D  I’m fine! I just believe I could be even better!

If you liked the above, you can sign up for more ‘Tips & Tricks’ by signing-up here.
Looking forward to hearing from you!

 

Last week’s FB live was about the ‘drivers’. If you haven’t seen it yet, you can do so here.

In that video I had promised to send more information to the people currently on my list and then I didn’t… Could I possibly blame my drivers (on top of a lot of unexpected work)?

Before I take you with me, behind the scenes, let me quickly repeat what these ‘drivers’ are.

You could say that the drivers are some sort of basic beliefs, coming from ‘Transactional Analysis’. There are 5 of them:
Be strong!
Be perfect!
Hurry up!
Make an effort!
Please others!

There is nothing wrong with the drivers as such… except when you let them ‘drive’ you, even when it’s impossible and/or even inappropriate. When you cross your boundaries, often it is also because of your drivers. So… I think it’s well worth having a closer look at them. (You’ll find more information in the video or at the bottom of this article).

Now back to me and my week…

Be strong!
This driver is very familiar to me. I basically grew up hearing: ‘You have to go for it! You have to work hard! You don’t quit! … For years I have been giving trainings, even when I was (really) ill. But… I’ve made a lot of progress. Because, what happened last week?
Last Thursday I was involved in a traffic accident as a pedestrian. It was quite scary and there were some physical consequences. Because of my driver, I still went to the meeting I was actually on my way to go to and… I did record the FB live the next day, despite the fact that I didn’t feel very well and I had a headache (in hindsight I shouldn’t have).
“Didn’t you just say you made progress?”, I hear you say…
Well, when I arrived at the meeting, I told the other person I had a headache and was a bit in shock and that, if it got worse, I would like to postpone the meeting. I also took the afternoon off to run the necessary tests and… I took Saturday off to rest, even though I still had a lot of work to do.
Is there still room for improvement? Yes. But I am already quite pleased with the result.

Be perfect!
The extra material was ready*. It was sitting in my computer and then I started: ‘Are there no spelling mistakes in it? Should I not go for a fancier lay-out?…’
And this, in combination with a lot of unforeseen work, was one of the reasons nothing happened…
In the end I decided to send it anyway. In the current lay-out. I promised it. If I want to change the lay-out later, I can still do so.
(*to be completely honest: the DUTCH material was ready… The English version wasn’t. I did have something but it wasn’t ‘mine’ so I had to create it and the fact that it’s quite a lot (with the work I alreayd had), was a big part of the reason for the delay.)

Hurry up!
I do like a bit of ‘pressure’, sometimes I will (subconsciously) postpone things to create it, because somehow I think I’ll do better.
But sometimes there is just too much on the to-do-list and I think everything needs to happen. I have to admit this has been the case this past week.
Well, then it helps to take a minute and have a careful look at that list. What do I REALLY need to do today, and in what order? I will consciously create breaks. And sometimes I’ll do things very ‘slowly’, on purpose: packing my bags, some cleaning up… and it becomes a ‘mindfulness exercise’! (I admit I’ll do this more in the evening and during the weekend and mostly for ‘private’ stuff…)

Make an effort!
Maybe this is the one that affects me the least. Even though some things sound familiar… In the past couple of months I said ‘yes, why not?’ to several requests, especially since the projects were all for next year. But what is th problem: now they all wanted meetings and proposals… this week… And my plate was already quite full. So what do I do not to get aheady of myself in situations like that?
My approach is quite similar to te one above: keep on taking breaks (despite the workload), monotask (no distraction from mail/social media), simplify things, and… write everything down… so I don’t forget anything.

Please people!
I’ve worked long and hard on this one. And don’t get me wrong: I still like to do somebody a favour, to please them… But… not when it means I have to bend over backwards and even get into trouble…
When I notice that afterwards the ‘event’ I feel a bit resentful towards the other one, then I know I’ve not respected my own boundaries. Ok, I admit it, this could be ‘too late’. However, I then have the opportunity to think again about my needs so that next time, I can take them into account… (by the way, did you also see that video: Resilience and needs)

Do some of these sound familiar? Let me know in the comments!

Would you like to know what your drivers are and what you can do about it? Sign up by clicking on this link and you’ll receive the necessary information!