Category: Blog

Years ago I wanted to start a postgraduate in mindfulness. This meant attending a class once a week (not necessarily always the same day) for 1,5 years.
At the time I was working for 3 contractors, delivering training all over Europe.
Going back to study would mean that I would be less flexible to travel.
You can imagine I was not too keen on sharing this information with my ‘employers’. For weeks, possibly months, I was going through scenarios in my head:

• They will be upset
• They will not want to work with me anymore
• I won’t be able to make a living anymore
• …

These were the most important ones, but of course the scenarios where in full colour and with lots of details.
After a while I finally decided to go for it and I told them. And guess what. All three of them said… ‘OK’. That’s it… Nobody upset, work kept on coming in and not much changed. So… I worried and got stressed for nothing.

Has this happened to you?
Worrying, fretting, brooding, …?
I’m pretty sure it has…

But why do we do this?

Actually our minds are ‘programmed’ this way: to help us survive in a world full of danger. This is great in case of ‘real danger’ but not so good when it comes to ‘worrying’ about ‘possible’ danger… Because thinking that something bad is going to happen is enough to activate the stress response… And is that what you want? I don’t think so…

So what can you do about it?

1. Be aware that you are worrying. You can only do something about it if you know that you are doing it … Mindfulness can definitely help: becoming aware of your thoughts, your feelings and the sensations in your body. Too often we are on the automatic pilot. Stopping and landing (see tip 4 further ahead) will help you to get better at noticing.
2. If it makes you feel better, set aside specific times during the day to engage in worrying. Set a timer and look for solutions, so it becomes productive. When time is up, you have to stop worrying. If you catch yourself worrying at other moments of the day: take note of the topic and … keep it for the next session. Don’t plan these sessions too late at night so they don’t interfere with your sleep. Also, make sure to do a relaxation exercise afterwards…
3. Analyse your worrying: can the ‘problem’ be solved? Is it under your control or not? I like the concepts of Byron Katie: Is it my business, your business or God’s business?
4. Stopping and landing. When losing yourself in your thoughts, it can help to come back to the here and now by focussing on your breathing and/or your body. You don’t need any fancy apps for this… Take a seat, notice how you’re sitting on the chair, feel your feet on the ground, your straight back and bring your attention to your breathing. Where do you notice your breathing in your body?
5. Think of your thoughts as clouds in the sky. There are big clouds and small clouds. They can hang low or very high. And one thing they have in common: they will not stay there, they will pass by. Imagine you are lying in the grass, or on the beach. You are looking straight up and you see the clouds. And you observe them, without turning your head to follow them… Now you see them, now you don’t. If you’ve practiced the previous tips and they don’t work as well as you would like, it can help to look at your worries in the same way: from a distance, not engaging, not ‘following them’ (=getting into them). And trusting that they will pass. Always.

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I recently went on a mindfulness retreat.
People are often curious to hear what it is all about. I will make an attempt to write about my experience (which might be totally different from somebody else’s experience…)

Before leaving I was not necessarily looking forward to it. Not as in ‘Yeah! Mindfulness retreat!’. Because I’ve been there, done that and… believe me: it’s not always a walk in the park… But I knew it was the right thing to do… so, I went.

The retreat took place in a beautiful place, in the middle of nowhere. It had started 2 weeks earlier and people could join or leave at the end of each week. We were welcomed at 3 pm and joined the existing group for the sitting meditation of 5pm. And then we went into the ‘normal routine’:

Sit, walk, don’t talk.

Sitting very still
Walking very slowly
And… all of this in silence.

Is that it? Yes, while meditating all the time, of course.

On a typical day, the bell wakes you up at 5.30, the first sitting meditation starts at 6 am. Each sitting meditation is alternated by a walking meditation (and yes we do eat, we even have some chores – all done in silence) and the last one finished at 9.30 pm. So the day is very structured and everything is organised for you.

And what is the definition of meditating?

Paying attention to whatever presents itself, as long as it presents itself.

Huh?

Basically you want to exercise your ‘attention muscle’. And how do you do that?

You start by focusing on your breath. This is your basic object of observation. You notice how the air enters and leaves your body and where you notice this (nostrils, abdomen, …). After a while, when some degree of concentration is developed, new objects of attention may be added: the body, physical sensations, thinking, emotions … The idea is that when one of these objects presents itself (eg. you start to think about everything you still need to do after the retreat…), that you notice that your mind wanders off, and that you ‘label’ this as ‘thinking’ or ‘planning’. Sometimes the mere noticing of the thought makes it disappear. Sometimes you’ll notice your thoughts stay there and you just keep on noticing ‘planning’, ‘thinking’, without going into the context. After a while you may notice that another ‘object’ comes to the foreground: for example a physical sensation: your leg starts to hurt (sitting still for a long time in one position can do that to you…). Again, you will label this as ‘feeling’ or ‘pain’… And whenever nothing presents itself, you go back to the basic object of your breathing.

As you can see the instruction is quite simple, but it’s not so easy to do…

Why would you want to do this?

Not necessarily to relax. While focusing on the breath can help you to calm down, opening your attention to other ‘objects’ can also open the door to ‘unpleasant’ sensations, thoughts and feelings… Although we are asked to observe in a non-judgmental way: there are no ‘unpleasant’ feelings, again you will just label them as ‘anger’ or ‘restlessness’ or ‘sadness’ or…

So, if it’s not relaxing, why? By practicing paying attention you get to know yourself better. You start to notice certain patterns, certain thoughts that keep on coming back. And believe me, this can be very confronting… However, this will be very useful when you go back to ‘normal life’. Here too you will be triggered but you might recognize certain patterns, automatic reactions and … choose to react differently.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl

So instead of shouting back when somebody raises his voice to you, you notice whatever happens inside of you when he does this AND choose not to raise your voice but stay calm (should you want to, of course).

So basically it’s an ‘observation boot camp’ during which you practice very intensively. And the benefits can be reaped afterwards…

Do you need to do a retreat to get these benefits? No, you can also opt for starting on your own (check out this) or doing an eight-week mindfulness course (more info here).

Some more personal conclusions:

• I don’t find the ‘silent’ part so difficult, it’s more not having ‘contact’ with the other participants
• I very much appreciated the 15 minutes’ daily interviews with Frits Koster, who accompanied us in the process with his humour and non-judgmental wisdom
• My mind gets bored easily… and I can be quite hard on myself
• The instructions are simple but keep on being challenging…
• I should consider a career as a scriptwriter… I’ve noticed my mind can come up with the most amazing scenarios
• You’d be amazed at how many aches and pains can be caused by… sitting still or moving very slowly…

So what do you think? Up for some sitting, walking and no talking?

As usual I like to read your comments and questions below!

If you liked the above, you can sign up for more Tips & Tricks here. Looking forward to hearing from you!

 

As you probably know, this is the perfect time for New Year’s resolutions.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

This year, however, I’m going to go for 1 word.

And it came to me during my walking meditation this week (hadn’t done one for a long time…): SLOW

SLOW is going to be my word for 2016. And writing about it now, should hold me accountable.

Why SLOW?

Well, the past trimester has been anything but SLOW. Lots of work, lots of travelling, rushing from one place to the other, trying to finish endless to-do-lists that only seem to get longer… And even though I’ve tried to keep on taking good care of my body, I have received some signals it’s time to SLOW down.

Now, don’t get me wrong: this won’t be easy. I walk fast, I talk fast, I eat fast… But that’s no excuse. “You always have a choice’” so… I’m going to give it a go.

 

I would even like to take this SLOW thing a bit further. A couple of years ago, I came across this acronym in the context of a mindfulness course. I liked it then and I like now: it totally fits my intention for 2016.

What did SLOW stand for? Stop – Land – Open – Wisdom

Stop. Often we are on the automatic pilot. We go on and on without taking a minute to take a step back to have a look at what we are doing. Is it really what we should be doing or how we should be doing it? Therefore it could be useful to (every once in awhile) stop whatever you are doing to …

Land. Land in the here and now, by focussing on your body and/or breath. Allowing some space to take a step back. In this space you need to …

Open. Open up to whatever you are thinking and feeling (emotions and sensations). What is going through your mind at the moment? Are these facts or possible limiting beliefs? Does whatever you’re doing ‘feel right’? Or could it be done differently and … possibly better? And becoming aware of all this will lead to…

Wisdom. If you take some time (= stop and land) and take all the information (=open) into account, your decision/response is going to be ‘wiser’ than when you stay on the automatic pilot. So… stop + land + open will lead to wisdom.

May 2016 bring a lot of ‘wise’ decisions.

 

What is YOUR word for 2016? Share below so we can hold you accountable!

If you would like to know more about mindfulness, click here for more info and here for a mini-course.

If you liked the above, you can sign up for more Tips & Tricks here. Looking forward to hearing from you!