Category: Blog

 

During my courses on stress management and resilience, people often tell me that they like to go for a run at night to get rid of their stress.
Unfortunately, this is not always a good idea. At least not for everybody…
I’ll explain you why*.

It all depends on the state of your batteries…
‘My batteries?’
Yes, your batteries.

Imagine that when you ‘live’, you are ‘using’ energy from your batteries, so… at the end of the day they are empty (or at least emptier…). When you rest and sleep, you recharge your batteries so the next morning, they are full again and … you are good to go.

This makes sense, right?

This is not all: the state of your batteries, depends on how well your ‘sympathetic’ and ‘parasympathetic’ work together. ‘My what?’
Think of it as your ‘accelerator’ and your ‘brake’. (I already talked about it in a previous article: you can read it here.
When you ‘live’, your foot is on the accelerator (and you use the energy in your battery). ‘Relaxing’ equals the ‘brake’ (and the battery will recharge…). Your day is a constant ‘dance’: your foot moves smoothly from the accelerator to the brake and vice versa.

Until it doesn’t…

When you have been experiencing a long period of stress, it’s possible that your brake/accelerator system is not well adjusted anymore. What does this mean? Well, even when you are reading a book, or watching TV: your foot stays on the accelerator and … your battery can’t start to recharge… If this even goes on while you are asleep, it’s clear that you will not feel rested.

What does this have to do with running and/or sports?

Situation 1:
Imagine you had a busy day in the office. But it’s just the one off. You feel ‘mentally’ tired, but physically you are ok. And you are in good shape. Going for a run is not a problem at all.
Yes, running will put the foot on the accelerator and it will use energy from your battery but… if you rest a bit before going to bed, it shouldn’t be a problem (also depending on the intensity of the run, of course).

Situation 2:
The past months have been hectic in the office. You have been working hard, even during weekends. You don’t sleep so well, and you’ve found it hard to ‘switch off’ after work. The only thing that seems to work is going for a run at night.
This might not be the ideal solution for everybody… Possibly your foot has been on the accelerator for too long, possibly this has had an effect on your batteries and … possibly your system is not properly adjusted anymore. In this case, the adrenaline rush from the run could make the whole situation worse, even though it does take your mind off work for 30 minutes…

Do you see what I mean?

When the body is ‘rested’, the right training, can increase your resilience. Absolutely. And it will help you deal better with stressful situations/periods. I can totally recommend it: talk to a professional, do it properly and you’ll be more resilient.

When you are tired already, it’s not so good to put that kind of a strain on your body. It will not improve your resilience, on the contrary. You can definitely go for a walk: not too long, not too fast. If you listen to your body, you will know and … your body will be grateful and… reward you for it.

*Disclaimer: I am not a physical therapist, nor a personal trainer, far from it. My explanation is purely based on my expertise in stress management and resilience.

Do you want to know whether your ‘accelerator’ and ‘brake’ are in balance? Take the ‘Firstbeat Lifestyle Assessment’ and you’ll know! More info here!

(Photo by Raphael Ferraz on Unsplash)

 

A couple of weeks ago I was taking the train to Breda to spend some time with a friend.
I was changing trains in Antwerp-Berchem and had some time to spare. I decided to go and buy something to eat. On my way back to the platforms, there was a lady standing in the middle of the station, who asked:

“Can you help me?”

I was in no rush and something in her voice and intonation told me she could probably use my help.
So I stopped and said yes.

She told me she was on her way to Rotterdam and asked me to confirm the train was leaving from platform 10. I told her it was and that I was taking the same train. “Oh, could you tell the train conductor that I need a seat close to the toilet?”

On our way to the platform, she kept on talking. Her name was Linda* (“What’s yours?”), she was on her way to Rotterdam, she was celebrating her birthday on Monday, …
After each sentence she waited for a bit, just in case I wanted to say something too, and then she just went on.

When we arrived at the stairs to the platform, she said: “Can you carry my suitcase?” The escalator was not functioning. I did as I was asked. I remember being a bit surprised.

Once we arrived at the platform, we still had 10 minutes. She kept on talking.
She had started her trip at the seaside, trains were her passion, she had recovered from cancer a couple of years ago (hence the need to sit close to the toilet), …
I didn’t have to say a lot. Nodding every once in a while was enough.
Sometimes she asked me a question: “where are you going?”. Followed by “oh, yes, you already told me…”
At some point she handed me a bottle of water: “Will this leak?”. Then it went back into her bag.

The train arrived. I lifted the heavy suitcase onto the train. And then we were on our way to a seat next to the toilet.

It was a Dutch train, so I was less familiar with the layout. We had to cross some carriages and at some point, it was not really clear whether we were in 1st or 2nd class. I asked a lady who was sitting next to the door. She didn’t understand me since she was English speaking. It turned out to be 2nd class.
As soon as Linda followed me into the carriage, she said: “I want to sit there”, pointing at where the English-speaking lady was sitting. As she was about to ask, I interrupted her (also because I knew the lady didn’t speak Dutch) and told her she could also sit elsewhere…

“But I don’t want to go backwards”, she complained.

I told her there were plenty of other seats going in the right direction.

We found a spot. I put her suitcase first and she sat next to it. I sat down one row ahead, going ‘backwards’.

When we stopped for the first time, she asked the person on the other side of the corridor where we were. He didn’t speak Dutch (international train and all…).
She didn’t give up.
“I’m going to Rotterdam”. The man just nodded his head.
“I’m Linda. And who are you?”. He kept looking at her with a smile.
She repeated it again, possibly she pointed at herself (I couldn’t see that). He understood and also told her his name.
She kept on talking for a while but then the conversation ended.

A little later she took the bottle of water out of her bag and asked somebody else: “Can you help me to open this”. Of course, they could.

The conductor passed by and she told him she was going to Rotterdam. And that she needed to be close to the toilet.

The train arrived in Breda. I said bye to her and wished her a nice weekend. I also told her she needed to get off at the next station. She seemed to have forgotten about me.

I got off, found my friend and … we started to chat. But Linda stayed present at the back of my head.

In the afternoon I brought it up again: “I don’t know why but… she’s triggered me somehow”. After talking about it for a while, I realised that maybe I was a little bit jealous of Linda and that I (and many others), could learn a thing or two from her…
Even though I’m an assertiveness trainer…

Lesson 1: Ask for what you need
For instance: Can you help me with my suitcase? Or with the water bottle?
Do I always do that? No… oftentimes I think I (first) have to try it on my own…

Lesson 2: Ask for what you’d like
For instance: I want to sit there (where the English lady was sitting).
What?! But there is somebody sitting there already?! Don’t be so difficult! Adapt yourself!
Maybe this lady was not ‘attached’ to that spot… Maybe she wouldn’t mind sitting elsewhere… Maybe I didn’t need to ‘protect’ her: she could say yes or no herself… Why did I have to decide for her?

Lesson 3: You can always ask
Linda had no problem asking things AND it would have been totally ok for her if somebody said no. She would have asked somebody else… Problem solved! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
We (I?) sometimes wait too long to ask something and when we finally do, we are not very happy when the other person says no…

Linda was totally capable of taking care of herself, even when at first I had thought I had to take care of her…

Can you learn something from Linda?

I’d love to read it in the comments. ;-D

 

(*Linda is not her real name; it also sounded a bit better (in combination with ‘lessons from…’ ;-D)

 

This too is developing your assertiveness! 

Do you want to learn more? Sign up for the online assertiveness course here or… book me for an online 1-on-1 session here.

#youalwayshaveachoice #YAHAC

I’ve been working hard lately. Maybe a little too hard. Normally it’s quite calm during the summer months, but not this year… There were trainings until mid July and in 3 weeks I’m starting again…

This could be the reason why I’m getting more sensitive to the ‘pressure’ other people are putting on me. ‘You should do this…’, ‘you should do that…’, ‘You should use the summer to xyz…’
I notice the resistance and all I want to do is shout ‘Don’t should on me’!
Why don’t they mind their own business?

But if I’m very honest, maybe I ‘should on myself’ as well… And because I ‘imposed’ too much on myself… And because there was no time for myself before, everything had to wait for the holiday that didn’t come… So now it’s finally there, everything doesn’t fit and… I spread myself too thin…  And that’s why I’m now annoyed when other people also want a piece of me and my time.
While I’m the one who spread myself to thin…

If I had more often told myself ‘Don’t should on me’, I’d probably be less annoyed by the others when they tell me what to do. I would be able to listen and think: “They would like me to do something” … PUNTO! (Remember?)

Maybe there is only one thing I ‘SHOULD’ do… no, WANT to do… And that is: take good care of myself!

What do you think? Can you relate?

It’s about time to go away for a week. A week with no ‘SHOULD’s: just enjoying myself, relaxing and doing whatever my heart desires…