Nancy Batens

 

 

July has started, it’s been very hot in Belgium: the holidays are in the air!
For many people this is the time to recharge their batteries…
And while we all know very well how to recharge our phones, tablets and computers… do we really know how to recharge our own batteries?

For many people it is sleeping more. And while taking enough rest is definitely extremely useful, I believe there is more that we can do. Let me give you some tips!

1) What did you like to do as a child?

Children naturally do what they like to do… When I was I child I liked to go for long walks. Every day (especially during the holidays, not necessary on school days…) I went for a 5 km walk. I always took the same route: the first km there were houses but then there was just nature for another 3,5 km and towards the end I was in the village again. I loved it! Enjoying the green, being alone with my thoughts… When my friend wanted to come, she was ‘tolerated’ but I didn’t really need the company…

Another thing I loved was reading… I lived in a small village and the library was only open on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes I went on Saturday to borrow 3 books, which I finished the same day to go back on Sunday for 3 new ones. During the week I had to read slower… to make it until the next Saturday… Well, every year I still take some days off to go somewhere on my own, usually near the seaside, and my days are mostly filled with walking and reading…

2) Are you taking enough time for yourself?

We often are busy in our other roles: parent, partner, employee, friend… And when the 24 hours of the day have been distributed, we notice there is not a lot left for the most important person: me! Does that sound selfish to you? I am not saying you should ONLY think of yourself… However, you should ALSO take care of yourself… Think of the metaphor of the oxygen mask in the plane: why would they ask parents to put on their own mask before taking care of their children? Well, if you are not taking care of yourself, you can’t be there for the others… In that sense, you have to come first… So… let’s make ‘self care’ important in July and August. I know it’s easier when you are on holidays (Is it really? Or are you, even when you are away, still trying to please everybody else first?) but even when you are working during the summer, try and insert a little bit of ‘self care’ every day. Maybe it is reading 1 page in a book you like, have bit of time for yourself after lunch or in the evening, have a foot bath… Because you are worth it!

I will be sharing my ‘self care’ on the Facebook page and Instagram! If you need a bit of accountability, why don’t you join me?

3) And finally: do it mindfully!

Recharge your batteries not because you have to but because you want to and… don’t do anything else while you do it… I know it’s tempting… We are so used to multitasking… While you are having that foot bath: don’t plan your whole week ahead… Enjoy the foot bath, notice how it makes you feel… When you are eating something special: enjoy it, notice the texture, the smell, …

Personally I will especially pay attention to mindful eating this summer… Too often I eat to quickly…

Let’s recharge those batteries, ok?

Hope to see many photos on self care on the Facebook page and/or Instragram. Make sure to use the hashtag ‘self care’ and to tag me!

Enjoy the holidays,

Nancy

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At least once every week (usually more often) people tell me how difficult they find it to give ‘negative feedback’. Sometimes it’s a manager who says he finds it difficult to tell a staff member he’s not happy with something he does or doesn’t do. But it can equally be a friend or family member who is frustrated with somebody’s behaviour and hasn’t said anything so far. Let’s face it: it’s not easy to give negative feedback.

A while ago I already wrote a post about the beliefs that may keep you from giving negative feedback. You can check it out here. But today I would like to share the technique I use in my assertiveness training.

Before I go on, I want to insist that there are techniques and … there’s attitude. And, to me attitude comes first! What do I mean by that? My synonym for assertiveness is confident and constructive communication. The confident part refers to the fact you have to be convinced you are ‘ok’ (You are not better or worse that anybody else, you are ok the way you are!). But… the other one is also ‘ok’! He or she is not the ‘bad’ one. And you want the conversation to be constructive: you aim for a win-win solution. It’s not at all you stating your case and not listening to the other one’s point of view. If this is what you do, you’re not being assertive but… aggressive…

Suppose you come from an ok-ok position and you want to go for win-win, the DESC can be the technique that’s going to help you to formulate your message in the best possible way.

D stands for DESCRIPTION OF THE FACTS: 
Often we don’t do that. We generalise (you always do this, you never do that) and this is the best way to make the other person react defensively. You may have noticed this in the past. So say something like: I’ve noticed you… (and refer to specific behaviour).

E stands for EXPRESS EMOTIONS:
Usually, when somebody does something we don’t like, it has an effect on us. It makes us feel a certain way. Express that! (When you do…)… I feel … (emotion). Often we use ‘you-messages’ (you are so and so) instead of ‘I-messages’ and this will again come across aggressively. Careful: expressing your emotions is not the same as being emotional…

S stands for SOLUTIONS: 
Come up with some solutions, preferably more than one. AND, very important, also listen to suggestions from the other person. After all, we wanted it to be win-win, right? A common mistake here is to ‘impose your solution’. How win-win is that?

And finally, C stands for CONCLUDE: 
This is basically the wrap-up: you repeat what has been decided to avoid that there could be misinterpretations.

Don’t turn it into a monologue; be open to listen to the view of the other. You’re entitled to your view and he is entitled to his. And make sure you are calm and prepared, that’s going to make everything so much easier!

Good luck!

Let me know how it works in the comments below!

If you liked the above, you can sign up for more Tips & Tricks here. Looking forward to hearing from you!
if you want to improve your assertive communication, you can sign up for my online course ‘The right thing, at the right time, in the right way!’ #YAHAC